If you’re anything like me, you’ve spent a long time dreaming about a place where Earth meets Heaven, a place where time and space are different, a place where the out of the ordinary is, well, ordinary in that place - except that nothing at all is really ordinary in this place. Because. It’s a place where our wildest imaginings are presented to us as our new ‘reality’. This is the world of The Barn Dance, the latest title by James Twyman and it tells the story of a mystical experience that happened to James three and a half years after his wife was murdered in Illinois.
I was forunate enough to meet James at a ‘Conversations with God’ Deep Study program in Oregon in May of this year. James happens to be a good friend of Neal Donald Walsch’s and dropped in to the deep study to say “Hi!’ Neale managed to convince James to return the next day with his guitar and sing us a couple of songs, one of which was Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”. It was almost too intense for words, those few days, being in the company of such talented souls as James and Neale’s beautiful wife, Em Claire, the poet. My God! Words drip from this woman’s tongue like the sweetest of wild honey, she touches your heart, and brings a tear to your eye as she puts you in touch with the messages of your very own soul, with infinite beauty, with an innocence almost too exqusite for words..
Anyways, The Barn Dance tells the story of a love that crosses the divide between life and death and is a must read for anyone who has ever lost anyone. My old dog Sarge came to visit me in hospital about a year after he died. I had broken my ankle, and was just waking up after surgery to have a steel plate inserted in my leg. I opened my eyes in the recovery ward to see that beautiful brindle face looking up at me with his dark doe eyes resting on my green ones. He was lying across my legs at the bottom of the bed, and I could feel his weight on me and smell his familiar smell. On other occasions, I would walk into a room in a house that Sarge had never been in and I would smell him. Not just a general doggy smell, but his smell. Essence of Sarge. A smell that I was very familiar with as he had slept in my bed under the covers almost every night for the whole seven years I had him. I know he still watches over me…
The book The Barn Dance is not due for release until September, but James is launching Dream Dancing, a scientific study that will explore the possibility of being about to have direct, face-to-face communication with those that have passed over into the next great adventure on the other side of the event that we commonly refer to as ‘death’. Why the inverted commas? Well, I believe the word ‘death’ is a misnomer, there is actually so such thing as something which has ceased to live, but more about that in a future post…I am currently reading ‘Home with God’ by NDW..
For a limited time, you can take part in James’ Dream Dancing study for the mere price of $80. Go here to find out more and sign up: http://www.dream-dancing.com/
Tags: Conversations with God, dreams, Em Claire, James Twyman, Neale Donald Walsch, soul
EVERYTHING has just been falling into place for me since returning from what I now consider to be my ‘Homeland’ though I have only (physically in THIS lifetime at least!) spent a total of three weeks there! I had been feeling a tad guilty about giving up my great job working with the coolest people I have ever worked with, when I am informed that my job will cease to exist at the end of August anyway! Cool! In Oregon, the man I went to study with announced that he was looking for teachers to take over from him when he leaves this earthly plane. I have known for many years that I am a teacher. That is my calling this time around, I just disn’t really know what I would teach. Now I do! I am now hearing Americans everywhere I go in Melbourne where for two and a half years they didn’t exist in this city to me at all! Another one in the bookshop on Sunday. Tonight my friend asks to have dinner with me. She takes me to a cafe I have never been to before. it is called ‘Banff’ – a giant picture of that snow-covered Canadian town on the wall above the log fire place that we seat ourselves right in front of. I have been internet dating, looking for a gorgeous new man to fall in love with amongst pine needles and snow in the Southern Oregon town where I am headed. I have been chatting to a few possibles from one website. The most interesting of which just happens to have been born on Australia Day! Coincidence ….or synchronicity? I know where I am putting my money! Life has no meaning other than the meaning we give it! In the bookshop on Sunday, I am reading a chapter in a book about one of my favourite personal heroes – the great Marie Curie. I have known for years that she was born on my birthday – 7th November, but today, on the 4th July 2010, I find out that Marie actually died at dawn on the 4th July 1934. Independence Day of the country that I am so in love with. independence, freedom. The two most important things to me. Marie was born in the same month on the same day that I was and died at dawn on the very day of birth of my new homeland as it now exists. Coincidence? No way! Now I am standing at Border’s at the Jam factory with tears in my eyes, taking this wee piece of information as a sign…a sign from the Universe that I am indeed about to become the hero of my own dreams – that beautiful, great, earthy wise woman that I always wanted to be, but never really imagined that I ever truly would be! Life truly is becoming a magical, mystery wonderland! An ever-evolving fantasy play-ground of my dreams. Who will I cast in the next scene? What costume will I wear? The velvet robe? The shining armour? How will the audience respond? How will I encourage them to? Mood lighting? Dramatic music? Silence? Will I choose to come crashing down through the ceiling in a flurry of plaster dust, or will I silently sneak on stage, whispering soft truths to them before they even know I am there? Who’s heart will I touch? Who will steal mine? When will I choose to end Act 1 and move onto the next? When will the final curtain call be? Or will I even choose that at all? I am open to EVERY possibilty! EVERY opportunity! Bring it on, baby! I am running now, racing, flying higher than ever before. I stand at the edge of the cliff. God has called me there, through Her angel, Apollinaire. I feel their soft breath at my back. It smells like grapefruit! God and Apollinare have been snacking on grapefruits! I’m chuckling as I dig my toes into the springy grass one final time. I used to be afraid, but this time He pushes me…
And I flew….
I’ve been away from here forever, but just felt the random urge to return tonight, so…here I am!
After seeing movies like ‘The Secret’ and ‘What the Bleep Do We Know?’ and beginning to delve into layman’s quantum physics texts, I’ve been left wondering just how much I really do create my reality? How much of the world’s events are going to happen with or without me, and how much of it only exists because it first existed in my mind? and what about the other 6 billion people on the planet? Am I creating them too? Did you create me first in your mind, so that you can now be here reading these words? Well, we are all co-creating, I guess, and I think we only remain in each other’s lives for as long as our vibrations are similar enough to each other that we are attracted to each other in order to achieve something. Nothing is forever. Everything changes.
It is the manifestations of dreams, specifically, though that I want to write about now, and all the weird little synchronicities that are currently taking place in my life! About two months ago, I travelled for the very first time to the United States of America, which was the realisation of a life long dream! I had a truly amazing time there and met many amazing people, so much so that I can honestly say I am in love with the West Coast (which is so far the only bit i’ve seen!) and before my three week trip had even finished, I knew that I was going to move there! Well, I can never be accused of toeing the line in taking action – a little action-taking girl is precisely what I am! So, here I sit knowing that in four weeks time, I am boarding a plane to Los Angeles, and I won’t be back in Australia for a very long time! let me tell you some weird little things that have happened since I put that goal out to the Universe….
In two and half years living in melbourne, i had only met 2 Americans, both at the same BBQ. Since returning from Oregon 5 weeks ago, I have met six more! A week after I got back, I went to St Kilda to inspect a unit for rent. Unfamiliar with the street numbers, I popped into a random shop to ask directions. The guy who helped was American. I then proceeded to the address I was looking for, but it had no street number, so I asked the lady sitting on the front step if it was number 82? Sure is! she answered me with an American accent. “Wow!” I thought. That’s a little weird. I’ve only spoken to two people today, both random strangers, and they were both American! After inspecting the apartment for rent, I walked back to Fitzroy street and stopped into a random run of the mill cafe that I had never been into before to use the toilet. I did a double take on entering the ladies, because there on the wall, was a massive, framed stars and stripes! Ok, now this is just plain odd! Over the next two weeks, I proceeded to meet no less than five new Americans, and not one of them in an American-related place or situation! People on trams, visitors to my place of work, one lady from New York I met on the footpath while she was walking her dog. Some people would simply put this down to my over-excited reticular activating system, but there is more….
I had been wondering how to get out of my mobile phone and my wireless broadband contracts in order to leave Aus, when my service provider calls me twice in the same week to say my contract had expired and would I like to renew? I checked the dates, and neither contracts were within six months of expiring! They had made a mistake with both of them! Gosh! When you dream a dream and really believe that it will transpire, Providence really does move to make it happen!
To be continued….
I’m not quite sure how I honestly expected to go prancing along the edge of the highest cliff, without crashing down to the jagged rocks below at some point! The higher you fly, the harder you fall. . . and fallen I have yet again. yet again. yet again. De ja de ja vu. I have fallen right into the very heart of the pit – and it is VERY dark in here. Hello? Is anyone there? If there is, I can’t hear you but for my own screaming. I am drowning. There is no sign of land. But….they say it is always darkest just before the dawn. There is a new pattern now. I can make a new decision. It’s not that hard, really. Is it….? De ja de ja shut the f*** up! No more rear view mirror. Not for me. I’m motoring on down past the last exit….help me god…please help me off this never-ending highway of doom! I am almost broken beyond repair now 
A cry for help is answered by an angel. The one with the beautiful voice. “We are at J’s house in the spa. Come on over!” I come on over. Now I am at J’s house in the spa. Now we are talking relationships, loneliness, aloneness, which is not the same, apparently. We talk about men, women, age differences, neighbours, who’s feet are those? Um, that’s not my feet! Eeeek! Oh, now I am falling up into a beautiful dream that is not a dream. A beautiful reality. Hanging with my friends. Indulgence. My favourite thing!
Watch out Brusell sprout! Here comes Cheeky Monkey 
Come on, come in! What? We haven’t any chocolate? let’s go to the servo. In our swimmers! Yes lets! I’m in the freezer now in my bikini. The servo guy laughs. People stare at us in the street. I am prancing again. Grounded now though, no cliff in sight! Cars pass us by. “Can you imagine their Facebook statuses?” he asks. Nah, this is Carlton, Fitzroy, and we aren’t even naked!
Back in the spa. Ok, NOW we are naked. Spoon feeding each other ice cream, she’s licking chocolate off my shoulder! “I’m a soul man!” One degree of separation. In the spa, out of the spa. The frenzy of feet in the middle. Unashamed nakedness. Truth, honesty, authenticity. I LOVE these guys. Angels that seem to show up just when I need them
“How’s the boy?” she asks. No, not that! I was having such a good time…been treading, treading water. Is there a life raft or am I just stuck here forever? The gathering breaks up. I walk home. To find another promise….perhaps I’m tired now of promised new beginnings…..I crawl back to my desert island to wait. To live. To create without expectation…but how is that even possible?
Tags: friends, loneliness, relationships
A new fire now burns, catching ever so gently on the fabric of my soul. The fire found me. It was effortless. The best things always are. The fire is full of promise, of new life, new growth. Out with the old and in with the new! It is making me see the world in a whole new way. All I have to do is trust. Have the courage to throw away the doubt. Eeek! but who am I now? Can I trust THIS much? What do you ask of me, spirit? Only an invitation? Just that?
Ok then, let’s do it together. Let’s see what we can co-create with every cell of our conscious beings. What heights can we rise to together? What premise do we dare break? Let’s be reckless! Deliciously so… let’s squirt our vey essence over the Universe at large. Together, we are invincible.
…and here he is…though way out of my league, surely. He speaks of energy. A whole new breed. Adorable. Sweet and strong. Resillient. Smart. Capable. Adventurous night owl. Just my type!
Sorry, what? You saved him for me? Gosh, are you sure? Need nothing, desire everything. Choose what shows up. Yes, yes! I choose this! Secrets shared, more to come. Acceptance. Nothing to prove here. Just hanging out. No pressure. No expectations. An invitation to socialise. Friendly fun. Geeks unite! Such a beautiful, soft presence. Cuddles on the couch. I’m snorting with laughter. Sharing a meal. Ooh, my favourite! Thoughtful offerings. Someone pinch me. No, I am awake, though it feels like a divine dream. Kisses in the dark now, skin on skin. Oh god, did I mention my trust issues? This one has a certain strength. He won’t be diving into the pit with me. I’m over that anyway. It’s time to go to a whole new level now. Do I have what it takes? Can I be born anew? Rediscover those lost years? Perhaps they were just post-phoned? I hope so. I’m diving in now, feeling the crisp, cool water on my bare skin. The sun shines brightly in a cloudless sky. I am a lion swimming with turtles. I feel like I am in a whole new body. The catarpillar’s body has left no trace. . . only a promise. . . to live again . .
Tags: acceptance, blessings, desire, Divine Love, new beginnings, relationships
I have been feeling incredibly frustrated lately due to my constant inability to manifest my number one dream in life. You know? The BIG one! The one I have been dreaming about since I was 17 years old. That was 19 looong years ago. I have acumulated many, MANY scars and bruises in these past 19 years. I actually had the dream, not once, but twice - for 3 years each time. It didn’t last. Things just never seem to
Anyhow, I had an interesting conversation with a friend today in sunny St Kilda. I mentioned my ex husband, who was (still is, I suppose!) a beautiful man. Not especially ambitious, or especially bright, but a beautiful person all the same. She asked what I did to find him. “Well, nothing!” I responded. “He just landed in my life unexpectedly! I didn’t do anything.” My friend looked at me silently, waiting for my own words to sink into my own consciousness. ”Oh!” Of course. I didn’t DO anything to manifest him into my life. I was just ‘being’. I was focussing on my study at the time and had just moved out of a friend’s garage, where I had been sleeping on the floor to a real house. A ‘normal’ place to live. I was just being. I had no idea that my new housemate was the brother of my future husband. It just happened. No effort whatsoever on my part. . . isn’t that nice?
…and isn’t that exactly how the best things in life happen? I choose to sit on a random bench at the State library and as a result have my life turned upside down by an amazing new person the universe has chosen to grace me with. I recieve a phonecall out of the blue from a woman that I haven’t spoken to in months and all of a sudden I am running my dream business! I am offered a credit card two weeks AFTER I quit my job, and living on the poverty line and now I am on my way to the USA!! Not one of the good things in my life has ever happened the way I would have thought it might. Who would have thought that modern, feminist me would not actually live with my hubby until 3 months AFTER we get married? or that this country girl whose religion is lakes and glaciers and snow-covered mountains would get such a thrill out of living in the CBD with no plans to ever leave this as my home base?
While we are busily planning our lives out in meticulous detail, are we missing out on the really special gifts that the universe has to offer us because they don’t fit in with our plans? We sometimes can’t see these potentially incredible gifts because we have our blinkers firmly in place, fighting to keep hold of our cents when the universe is trying to give us dollars? Why would we fight so desperately to stay in that miserable job we hate so much when the universe is trying to set us free? Sometimes our ‘free will’ is the tool we misuse to push our god-given bliss away from us. Thinking that we are or should be totally in control. ‘Let go and let god.’ I used to think that was for brainless religious nutbags who lacked the ability to think for themselves, because they had given that ability away to this ‘god’ of theirs. I’ve spent my life having major issues with the ‘g’ word. .
But my friend pointed out to me today that maybe, just maybe this god character actually does do a much better job than I do at pointing me toward happiness. Well ok then! I’ll just ‘be’ shall I? ..and see what unexpected beauty and opportunity enters my life now…
Tags: acceptance, beauty, choice, Divine Love, god, letting go, synchronicity
The invitation is accepted, an old friend joins in. Where will I meet you? I’m running late, the tram was….sshh! it’s ok! I’ve got a possie! Stage right, and still in sight. Up the hill, sky so bright. Expansive blue melting into U…niversal themes, infinitely inviting, twilight lingers into apricot clouds, turning pink, orange, grey. My favourite time of day. I wish it could stay forever…In. Fine. Ite! Astoundingly so! I’m lost up there, delicious in its vastness. Floating on the clouds, trapezing from the stars, this one is red; perhaps it’s Mars?
Someone is missing. I think him here. Always connected, ever playing. “Don’t eat that! It’s been on the grass!” I shove it in my gob – village idiot grin firmly in place. Making a face. Tongue pokes out, licking her snout Come play with me. Look! There’s ice! Cold, slippery on the soles of my feet, biting in, so exquisite. Shh, the music’s playing, lay me down, fading into the sky…neon buildings; pink, red and blue. Corporate giants standing sentinel, creating the edges of the sky around, listen to the sound of the haunting cellos, the reedy flutes, the crashing cymbals! Childhood memories of unpronouncable European men.
Lady on a highwire wearing a pink tutu. The orchestra cannot see her dancing with three pee-wees perched up high. You are sooo beautiful, lovely lady! The white-haired conductor is dancing, swaying in the breeze, with jelly knees! He’s giving us a Buddha bow, legs askimbo now…luring us in heart, mind and soul felt though senses whole, the music floating, now thundering, now waltzing, lots of pomp without a circumstance. Slavonic passion, rhythymically taking me on a wirlwind tour of…..Never Never land, Narnia, Paris, Chekoslovakia, out above the blue.
Out into forever…
Tags: beauty, blessings, creation, perfection
As I lay down over white, the colours seep through me, through my nakedness, my hands bound by invisible thread, over my head. I lift them to you – bind me! Contain me, define me, give me edges so that I may know myself, a solid thing. I look up into those liquid brown pools and I drown, willingly, deliciously! Take me, take me down to the dark depths of our ocean…
My breathing comes heavily, fuzzily, in companion with my watercolour heart, so fragile. Come to me, do not be afraid, come and bathe in the intoxication, a tonic for your soul. Am I too much? I always am. Except with you…except with you, my friend. You have granted me the permission I have sought my whole life. Can I be so bad? They thought as much. No! Don’t think about them, but take me…take me far, far away, so far away. Glaciers melting in the apricot sun. Toitu he kianga; whatungarongaro he tangata. Transient on this plane, perhaps, but enduring forever on another. Take me there. Teach me. Teach me about intent. A physical beauty, a fluid strength, demonstrated. Jealous girl, how could you deny this man? How dare you?! …a wounded soul, trapped in fear. . . an unmet comrade. You pay attention – or you pay with pain! Someone’s loss, someone’s gain. Can I keep my promise made? My heart’s not in it, not one little bit! Though he proclaimed my promise to be safe. Safe is boring, stifling, so limiting! Come here, my dear. See how the embers glow in the darkness? They won’t burn you, I promise…well, maybe just at first, just a little, just enough to wake you from your dream…
Tags: acceptance, blessings, healing, judgement, loneliness, love, New Zealand, pain, pleasure, relationships
A space vacated, I lay down in his energy, swirling, pulsing, buzzing, softly radiating, extending outwards. My hand opens ready to receive…what? An empty chalice….waiting…my heart pounding like the hooves of a draught horse, sinking down into my stomach, visceral…alive! Has the sky ever been so blue? What could it be because of you? A promise of…fantasy indulged. The greenest leaves, the truest tree. Yes! Yes! Look! That’s how they’re meant to be! The most vulnerable me, oh my god! A scary place to be. . . and as usual the fear vastly outweighs the actuality, the offer is received. No judgement here, just acceptance. Ok, so that’s how it’s meant, shall we? Surely not! …but metaphysically real. Etherically ok, a safe place to explore, no harm here, just truth and courage and more than a small dose of authenticity. .
The muse has snuk in and is warmly embraced; he gives me a kiss, a cup of tea, a walk from the kitchen. Shall we? Yes let’s! On a separate plane, let’s explore, I think we’ve been here before, you and me, with our brutal honesty, our fears, our fantasies, blatant vulnerability. I can smell those pine needles again, darkness, sunrise, willing myself naked into the pond. Do you dare me? It wouldn’t take much! Boundaries take a hike! Bother us no more! ..but still I must, god, I really HAVE been here before! Warm water, at the breach, kiss me…do you feel my heart exploding in my chest? It bursts and defies gravity, flying upward now. I am making love to the sun, blinding bright! I can’t see you anymore. What have you become? Are you a representation? Or is it really you? “But isn’t EVERYONE a representation?” I plead, even though I don’t want it to be true. The Keeper of Light will not humour me. It’s time to grow up now, little one, he says with a smile.
No, please let it be real…so real…fingers meandering up my spine, cuddling me, bear-like, so strong and yet so gentle, crowning and travelling down again, finding my…hard exterior, while softness dances within, taunting, teasing, come with me..to the gates of Oblivion. You see it too! Hiding under the waterfall, sky as blue in there as it is behind you now. Mesmerising, isn’t it? A city of promise, of adventure…potential. Promises? Nay, not that. Just here, just now, just hanging out. Just be. You. and uniquely Me.
Tags: acceptance, heart, love, trust
I am feeling strangely in orbit here. Orbiting around a magnetic object, and i am attracted like a moth to a flame. Here I sit, contemplating my impending death, like a caterpillar in a cocoon, whose body must turn into complete mush, cease almost completely to be before it can begin to grow into an exquisitely beautiful butterfly. Do I have the courage to make the caterpillar’s journey? Do I have that kind of blind faith that my wings will grow large and beautiful and strong? The sun I am orbiting scares the pants off me! I think I want it to literally! LOL. No, not now anyway, though sweet dreams of maybe one day in the future…dreams, confessions. I have one of my own. Too big to share. Far too big. A confession so big that I feel like when I engaged in the fantasy, my mind and body were inhabited by a foreign entity. It could surely not have been me thinking those thoughts, feeling those feelings? Someone has invaded my very being, pushing me into the backseat to witness them playing with my mind, my feelings, my body. I am helpless, impotent. I can’t look away, but instead stare, mesmerised. Dying the little death. Exquisitely so. Trembling. Hours pass. Blissful imaginings. You Tubing the previously unimaginable. What seemed previously horrific. The caterpillar denies any involvement. This is beauty? Really? What does this mean? Who the hell am I becoming? Who in heaven am I becoming? I am torn between speaking My Truth here and censoring my words in case the trees still have ears, but… why should I censor when I have done nothing wrong? Why should I withold my passion when doing so feels like dying a slow death? ..and not the beautiful death, mind you, but the slow-and-messy-as-cancer one. Perhaps I am prone to eggageration? (‘millions’ of eggagerations, Tahnee?) but why should I act like the guilty one when I am not?
…yet. …possibly never, I know not just now. The ball’s not in my court. I made a promise, which I intend to keep, though those last words made it hard. Real hard, Tonto! I only know what this Lone Ranger wants right now. So, how do I best merge what I want for me with what I want for everyone concerned? (which is of course for everyone to live their highest Truth and to be happy!) How do I be responsible in the face of the emotions of others without getting sucked into their drama or futilely being tempted to make myself responsible for their happiness. I am responsible only for my OWN happiness! as you are for yours! Do you have the courage to break? Do I? Dare we make space to let the light in through our broken cracks? Was your punchline just a joke? please don’t let that be so…because now I am drawn into the web tighter than ever. I’m not sure I can escape now even if I wanted to! This butterfly yearns to fly, not be eaten by a spider…
…so I practice detachment, which to be honest feels a little like bliss, but mostly like prison. NEED NOTHING, DESIRE EVERYTHING, CHOOSE WHAT SHOWS UP! This is my new mantra, and it is not entirely easy to live by, not when the desire begins to border on obsession. Stay strong, beautiful girl! Stay centred. Stand tall. Surrender gracefully and with strength and only reference externally when you CONSCIOUSLY choose to. Maybe not even then….but mostly stay true to what is in your heart, which is love. Pure and unconditional love…a recognition of one known before, of the beauty and the creativity yet to unfold…
